J'aime vie...: May 2007

5 years ago, God asked me this question when I was praying for a crucial decision in my life..."Oli, do you love me moRe than these?". In those hyper-passionate days, I replied very quickly, "Of course. Lord. I love you more than anything in my life."

Now 5 years later, I found myself facing this same question..."Oli, do you love me more than these?". Now, this time, I really found it hard to answer this question so quickly...because I know what God was really asking me...Do you love me more Than the difficult times U have gone through in the last few years? Do you love Me move than the disappointments? Do you love me more than your own pride? Do you love me enough to overcome your weaknesses? Do you love me more than your fears?

The first time Jesus asked Peter this question, Peter was hyper passionate Peter who said he would even die for Jesus...

Matthew 26:33-31
Then Jesus told them, "This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: " 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.' But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee."

Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

“I tell you the truth,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.”

Like Peter, my first answer was one that was not weighed, shaken and tested.

3 times. 3 times Peter disowns Jesus.
Each time, Peter did it without even realising what he had done. Then...the rooster crowed. Realisation hit him as he remembers Jesus's words. And Peter broke down in shame and in disgust at himself. Him, Peter, the 'supposed' leader of the other disciples had himself denied Jesus. Doubts entered his mind about himself and even about Jesus becos 3 days later, when he heard that Jesus had resurrected, he did not go in pursuit of Jesus like he did when Jesus was captured and was about to be crucified. At that time,he had truly risked his life just to catch a glimpse of his beloved Lord...even if it meant risking capture. He was willing to put his entire life at stake. BUT, when someone noticed him and asked if he was with Jesus, his carnal flesh took over, his fear, his reflex took over...He denied anything to do with Jesus 3 times. But remember?...Peter was the only one who dared to go seeking after Jesus when he was captured while the others fled. What drove him to do that? He was genuinely concerned for Jesus...

For a moment, let's consider this...if Jesus didn't tell Peter beforehand that Peter would disown him three times before the rooster crowed, Peter probably wouldn't have even thought twice about what he was about to 'automatically' do...

A woman recognised Peter while Jesus was being questioned and beaten but Peter quickly denied it...then another man recognises him and again he said he did not know Jesus. Then the third woman points him out and he fled with fear of being captured too. This is when the rooster crows and Peter remembers what Jesus said to him before He was captured - that him, Peter, who loves Jesus more than his own life would deny Jesus 3 times before the rooster crows. At this point, Peter broke down in tears and was so disgusted with himself that he decided he was no longer good enough to follow Jesus...he ran away back to his old life.

Now, why did Jesus do this? Why did Jesus tell Peter in advance that Peter would deny Him? I think Jesus did it for 2 reasons:

Peter had a lot of pride still in himself...He thought he was infallible in his love & faithfulness in Jesus. And he thought of himself "the best" disciple in Jesus' book. With this pride, Peter may never be able to be the leader he will have to be when Jesus would no longer be on earth. Peter's pride had to be dealt with by placing that pride in Jesus' and receiving the fullness of His grace. How? Being restored by Jesus...
Secondly, which is linked to reason no. 1, Jesus wanted Peter to understand that Peter's leadership was by no means a product of Peter's own abilities or "self righteousness" but the grace of God, of Jesus...and a product of our love for Jesus...

When Jesus found Peter on the same seaside where Jesus first called Peter, they would have had a one-on-one on the beach...over yummy grilled fish and a good long conversation. They could have remembered the day Jesus came to Peter and did that wonderful miracle...they could have laughed at the early days of how Peter made silly mistakes...and how he would grow to lead the others. Jesus could have talked to Peter about his ordeal and they could have laughed together about the Romans possible shock if they could see ALIVE Jesus know. Then Jesus throws Peter "the question":

"Peter, do you love me? - Do you love me as a "friend"?"

To which Peter answered, "Yes, I "love" You."

Jesus asks again, "Peter do you love me?" - Do you love me as a "brother"?

To which Peter answered, a little more sure this time, "Yes, I "love" You, Jesus."

The 3rd time Jesus asked Peter, "Peter, do you truly love me?" - "Do you love me unconditionally?"

This time Peter answered with certainty, and a little annoyance at Jesus because Jesus was asking him 3 times, "Yes, I love you...i really do...Unconditionally, I love You."

Unbeknown to Peter at that time, it was almost as good as Jesus saying "I forgive you....i forgive you....i forgive you" 3 times. Peter was one who always did the right thing by Jesus. He was always the one with the right answer...the right reaction...Now, Peter needed to be forgiven by Jesus. And it was not an easy thing to swallow. He may have felt that he had failed Jesus and was too proud to ask for forgiveness. But at this point, i can almost imagine Peter's eyes welled up with tears that even after his denial of Jesus, Jesus still loves him...and that in fact, he still loves Jesus but, in a moment of weakness, did not do what he thought was right to do. Jesus had helped him to overcome the biggest disappointment in his life so that he can overcome the disappointments that would be coming his way in life...as he takes on the role as the leader of the church after Jesus ascends to Heaven.

Now, Peter was truly in the "grace" of Jesus...no longer functioning in the "abilities" of Peter. He will lead through "grace"...not his own wisdom or abilities as he comes to understand this wonderful love and grace of God.

"Love me more than your disappointments...Love me more than your own pride... Love me more than the insults that may come your way...Love me more than the difficulties that you will be facing...and you will love me all the way to eternity..."

Now these 3 things remain, love, faith and hope. And the greatest of these is love.

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Lord, help me to love the way you want your children to love...help me to find hope and faith again in your love...Forgive me for my foolishness and weaknesses. Forgive me for not being able to overcome the difficulties that come my way. But deep down in my heart...I love you, Lord. I do.

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